Finally we have shared with all that our second baby is due May 2017. And it has got me thinking about wading through newborn valley again, remembering how I felt first time around. My last motherhood post had such great feedback, mainly about how honest it was. Something that bothered me lots when I'd just had Matilda was: I must be the only new mother in this world that feels this way.
Of course, that is utterly ridiculous. It's just that no one ever tells you.
You know it's going to be hard. You know you're going to be knackered. You didn't know you'd be questioning why don't I feel that immediate gush of love other mums are feeling? You don't know just how hard breastfeeding would be, but you want to do it because you're told you should so then you feel bad for wishing you formula fed. Feeling guilty for spending a few hours at the hairdressers to try to feel like 'you' again when the baby is a few weeks old.
I'll tell you why that love didn't wash over me immediately: I just pushed a 9lb 7oz baby out and hadn't slept or eaten for days, then she was sucking what felt like all the energy my body possessed out of me so I could walk around like an extra from The Walking Dead. I am in no way saying I didn't love her, I checked she was breathing every 5 minutes and the first time she properly vomited I told Andrew we were taking her to A&E immediately (sounds so ridiculous now!) I instantly wanted to protect her.
I'll tell you why breastfeeding is bloody hard even though 'it's the best and most natural thing to do' - you've never had a newborn feed from you before so strongly, you want to scream at every feed. They didn't tell me this at my breastfeeding workshop! (Disclaimer - this does get easier by the way and I by no way judge mums that choose to formula feed, I started that when Matilda was 8 weeks old) New mum's won't have gone through this before, it is a completely new experience and one that effing hurts. So give me a break if I want to combi-feed OK? Happy mum happy baby.
I'll tell you why I felt guilty from being away from that little bundle for a few hours - the media made me feel like that. You see these earth-mother types wrapping their babies to their bodies, feeding in public without a care in the world, never leaving them, 'Oh, I would never leave XYZ they must be close to Mummy all the time for bonding' BLAH BLAH BLAH P*** OFF! They make it look so bloody easy don't they. But I was never that woman to begin with so why change now? Matilda was just fine away from me for a few hours! How silly to think otherwise.
Anyway, I spent probably the first 6 weeks of Matilda's like in a total haze, I didn't know who I was anymore. And I cried a lot! Just ask Andrew. No one told me I would feel like that. I feel so much better prepared this time, naturally. I've been through it before. I feel like I sailed through the first trimester with ease (You got this Mama!)
Sure, having 2 kids is going to be bloody hard work but I will in no way let myself feel like a lost woman wading through muslins, nappies and barely wearing any makeup. That isn't me. I like getting dolled up, I love products and my hair and clothes like lots of other girls - so why when we become mothers do we lose that? A baby is an amazing addition to your family, sure it changes you in some ways but it doesn't mean YOU can't still be the YOU that you were before.
I know that was a bit of a ramble, but whether it's your first or fifth baby, I think the above applies in some ways to some women.
Chloe x
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